Not Spock's Day
by Hogan'sHeroesFan
Summary: When Uhura comes up with an idea, Spock and Kirk get humiliated, and McCoy has fun. NOT intended to be slash. Enjoy!


**A/N: This is my first Star Trek: TOS fic, (I'm attempting to boldly go where I have never gone before) and it's just a short silly piece mostly done to test my ability to write Trek, before I take on the bigger multi chapter story I mentioned in my profile. Reviews are welcomed and wanted. (Be nice, though. :) Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own none of this. If I did, do you think I would be sitting here typing?**

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The Starship U.S.S. _Enterprise _was on its way to other planets and other areas of space. For once, all was peaceful. It was just a normal, routine late afternoon on the _Enterprise. _

Captain James T. Kirk swiveled in his chair to turn to Lieutenant Uhura. "Yes, Lieutenant?"

"Captain, some of the off-duty personnel and myself were going to organize a dance this evening in one of the recreation rooms, and we need your permission," Uhura informed Kirk.

"What kind of a dance, Lieutenant?" Kirk turned back toward the main viewing screen.

"A square dance, sir," the African-American communications officer stated.

That captured Kirk's attention. "A square dance?"

"Yes, Captain. I've been studying old dances and I thought some of the crew members might enjoy learning it," Uhura said, somewhat apprehensive at Kirk's change in tone.

The Captain thought for a moment, then smiled. "Of course, Lieutenant. I think the crew needs an enjoyable activity after that experience with... Commodore Decker," Kirk's smile faded as he remembered the sacrifice Decker had made to try and kill the 'planet killer.' In the end, it had given Kirk the idea and ability to kill the creature, but he still felt saddened by it. Then Kirk brightened, and added, "I may attend the dance later, also; I could use a little break myself."

"Of course, Captain," Lieutenant Uhura smiled, and since she had (conveniently) placed her request before a shift change, she rose from her seat as a redshirt stepped forward to take her place.

Uhura rose from her seat, but before leaving, she added "Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome, Lieutenant," Kirk said, grinning to himself as he turned back toward the business at hand, signing a report a Lieutenant handed him.

**Two hours later:**

Kirk walked through one of the corridors on the _Enterprise,_ on his way to the rec room. A mischievous smile was playing at his lips, and as he reached the room, he encountered Dr. McCoy, who was looking on as Uhura and Scotty got the room ready for the dance.

"All ready for the dance, Bones?" Kirk asked McCoy, still smiling.

"If you think I'm going to dance, you're mistaken," McCoy stated, crossing his arms. "I'm just here to _watch_ the dance."

"Here a little early, aren't you, Doctor?" Kirk questioned, copying his CMO and folding his arms, also.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I'm also here to watch Uhura tell Scotty what to do. From what I could gather, Uhura and Mr. Scott made a bet that if she found any Scotch in his quarters, he would help her prepare for this. Apparently, he didn't hide it well enough, and she found it," Bones quietly told Kirk, as Scotty heaved in a sound mechanism.

"Putting you to work, is she, Mr. Scott?" Kirk asked the Scotsman.

"Aye, and le' me tell you somethin', when she puts ya t' work, she really puts ya t' work!" Mr. Scott exclaimed, as he set the music device down. He was about to continue to complain, except for a call from Uhura.

"Mr. Scott? That needs to go over here," the female Lieutenant called out, pointing to an area of floor near where she was standing.

"Aye, Lieutenant..." Scotty sighed, as he once again picked up the heavy object, and staggered over toward Uhura.

Kirk chuckled, and once again turned toward McCoy. "Do you have any idea where Spock is, Bones? I haven't seen him in a while."

"I think he's in his quarters. Why'd you want to know?" McCoy asked.

"I think Spock would like a little enjoyment tonight, don't you, Bones?" Kirk countered McCoy's question with a question, and with that, he walked out of the room, the doors swishing closed behind him.

McCoy just frowned to himself and muttered something like "Pig-headed Vulcan 'could use some enjoyment.' My eye!"

Upon finding Spock's quarters, Kirk knocked. When he heard "come" the doors opened, and he walked in. Spock was sitting at his desk, making duty rosters on a PADD.

"Well, Mr. Spock. I was looking for you," Kirk said, as Spock rose from his chair.

"Yes, Captain?" Spock asked, inquisitively.

"You did know that Uhura was planning a square dance for this evening, didn't you?" Kirk wondered. He didn't remember if Spock had been on the bridge at that time or not.

"I was there when the Lieutenant asked your permission, yes sir," Spock answered, wondering what in the universe Kirk had in mind.

"Spock, I think you could use a break from work, and some fun, so why don't you come to the square dance tonight?" Kirk asked.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Having fun is a human pastime, Captain, and I have work to do tonight-"

"Don't worry about that, Spock; We all need a little something fun to do after all that's happened recently," Kirk said, interrupting Spock.

"I do not think so, Captain. For a Vulcan, having fun is illogical, and I _am _a Vulcan," Spock cocked his head as he spoke.

"Spock, even if you don't want to admit it, I know you'll get some kind of enjoyment out of it," Kirk stated, then changed his tactic. "You want me to enjoy myself, don't you?"

"Well, _you _are a human, so naturally _you _can enjoy yourself at activities like, a dance," Spock asserted.

"That's beside the point. I'll only enjoy myself if I know that you are doing something enjoyable, too. Spock, I'm asking you, as a friend, come to the square dance. You'll enjoy yourself."

Spock considered a moment, before finally doing a Vulcan's equivalent to a shrug and nodded. "Alright, Captian, if you insist. I will go. But do not expect me to enjoy myself. Like I have said before, Vulcans do not-"

Kirk raised a hand and stopped Spock from continuing. "I know, I know. But you'd be surprised. And thanks, Spock," he smiled, and turned and left the room.

Spock watched him go, then allowed himself a very human sigh as he sat down. _What **have **I gotten myself into?_

**Thirty minutes later:**

Kirk stood by one of the tables that had been moved to the side in the recreation room.

"Uhura really turned this place into a room capable of a dance," Kirk commented to McCoy, who was standing next to him, pouring himself a drink of punch.

"Well, don't forget, she had Scotty's help," McCoy added, and Kirk and himself shared a laugh before Bones took a sip of the punch, and promptly choked.

"Did you allow the use of alcohol here?" He asked, after several failed attempts to croak out the words.

Kirk turned to McCoy. "Well, Scotty came and asked me if they could use a little in the punch, but yes, I did authorize it."

"Well, this isn't a _little_ alcohol," McCoy sputtered. He eyed his drink, and then took a cautious sip, now that he was more prepared for the taste. "Well, it actually isn't bad, if you're expecting it..."

Kirk chuckled, and took some himself. "You're right, Bones. This _isn't _a 'little' alcohol. I need to talk to Scotty about that," the Captain said, after he took a small sip, and had almost the same reaction as McCoy.

"Did you really get that apathetic Vulcan to come here tonight?" McCoy asked, doubtfully.

"Well, he said he'd try to come. You know what they say, Vulcans can't lie," Kirk shrugged. After a few seconds, added, "Who should be Spock's partner?"

McCoy chuckled sardonically. "What about Chapel? She'd jump at a chance to actually dance with Spock."

That brought a smile to Kirk's lips also, and he nodded. "Of course, you'd have to tell her that it's not a romantic type of a dance. It's just a fun group activity."

"Why spoil the fun? Let her figure that out on her own, though she probably already knows that," McCoy added, seeing the blonde nurse talking with Uhura.

Kirk grinned and turned back toward the door as Spock walked in, and, noticing Kirk and McCoy, strode over to them amidst the stares of the other crew members.

McCoy did a double take at Spock. "Spock, are you okay? You look slightly sick."

"I am perfectly healthy, Doctor," Spock said, though his color _didn't _really look normal, to someone who knew him as well as Kirk and McCoy.

"Bones is right, Spock," Kirk agreed. "You do look slightly sick."

Before Spock could reply, Uhura was on the loudspeaker system.

"Welcome, everybody. Thank you for coming! I realize we all need a break after the events of the past few days. Now, I have been studying old dances, circa the 21st to 22nd century. I picked this particular one because it's fairly easy, and it's a good group activity. I will be the 'caller,' the one that calls the moves as you dance. So, everybody, pick a partner and let's get started!"

Spock raised an eyebrow. Partner? What would he need with a partner?

Kirk noticed. "Spock, pick any one of the ladies here to be your dance partner. Any of them would love to be partners with you," Kirk said, then moved off and offered his hand to Lt. Marlena Moreau.

"Why don't you take Nurse Chapel over there?" McCoy suggested, wryly. "She would be more than happy to be your dance partner."

Spock glanced at the blonde nurse, as Bones signaled to her behind his back. She came quickly.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Mr. Spock here would like to be your partner, Christine," McCoy said, taking hold of Spock's arm and pushing him toward Chapel.

"On the cont...trary..." Spock's voice died off as he realized Chapel was staring at him.

"I would love to, Mr. Spock," She said, smiling happily.

Spock glared at McCoy, his face expressionless, but his eyes stoney, as Chapel steered him off toward an incomplete square.

McCoy grinned. It was not often he got to put one over on the Vulcan First Officer.

Pretty much everyone who had decided to try the dance had by now found a partner, and Spock found himself in the same square as Captain Kirk. He noticed everyone else holding hands with their partner, but only his eyebrows were raised. His hands stayed where they were, behind his back. For now.

"Alright, everyone," Uhura's voice came through loud and clear. "You've found a partner. Now let's begin. Everybody hold hands with their partner."

Spock frowned inwardly. Hold hands? He was not one to engage in the holding of hands. But then he noticed Christine holding her hand out to him. Reluctantly, he put his palm down on hers. He noticed her blush.

"Good! Now, we are going to learn the first thing you do in square dancing. While holding hands, bow to your partner."

Spock cocked his head. He could do that. Turning to Chapel, he ducked his head at her quickly and turned back to face the couple in front of him, Chekov and an unknown Yeoman.

"Everyone now turn toward the person on the other side of you. This is your corner. Bow to the corner, please."

Lt. Moreau was Spock's corner, and he bowed to her quickly before turning back, facing the mysterious Yeoman.

"Good. Now, the first real square dance move I'm going to teach you, is the do-sa-do. To do this, face your partner," Uhura paused to allow the couples to obey, and then she proceeded. "Then walk forward around your partner, right shoulder to right shoulder, and when you are back to back with your partner, walk backwards around him or her until you get to your starting positions."

Spock walked carefully around Chapel, but when backing up, he misjudged the distance between him and the nurse, and backed into her, which was followed by a very female cry of:

"Oh!"

Spock's face flushed, and he quickly turned around, making it worse, as he bumped into her a second time, this time causing her to fall over. Kirk left Moreau, and went to the struggling pair.

"Spock, be careful!" Kirk admonished as he helped Chapel to her feet. "Are you alright, Nurse?" The nurse looked none the worse for the wear, and she brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

"Yes, I- I'm fine," She responded, glancing at Spock.

Spock looked away, then came forward. "I am sorry, Nurse. I seem to have misjudged the distance between myself and you."

"That's alright, Spock. It's our first time," She smiled, as Kirk went back to his Lieutenant.

After that, everything went fine, until Uhura came to the "right and left grand."

"Good job!" Uhura said, in response to the previous call, the 'swing.' (Spock hadn't been to crazy about that one, either.) "Now, everyone, we are going to do the 'right and left grand,'" She gave the basic instructions for it, and then waited for the couples to try it.

Spock didn't like this one. It required him to grab each ladies' hand in turn and walk past them. But, he had to try it, if not for the reason that Chapel had already pulled him by and was heading for Kirk. Spock grabbed a Lieutenant's hand and rather forcefully pulled her past him, accidentally causing her to lose her balance and come crashing into Kirk, who was heading that way. Both of them tumbled to the floor, while the Lieutenant, rolling past Kirk, hit Moreau, who lost _her _balance and fell, also.

McCoy, watching, came over, as the Lieutenant looked as if she had hit the floor pretty hard. Kirk, who had landed on his seat fairly hard, got up and went over to the Lieutenant and Moreau. Chapel dropped Chekov's hand and knelt by the Lieutenant. She turned to McCoy. "She hit her head when she fell on the floor. She needs to go to sickbay."

McCoy nodded, and helped Chapel pick up the Lieutenant to cart her off to sickbay. Moreau, having been helped to her feet by Kirk, noticed it. "Annabelle? Oh, no."She said, worriedly. Turning to Kirk, she quickly spoke. "I'm sorry, Jim, but I need to go with Annabelle. Please excuse me." With that, she followed the McCoy, Chapel, and Lieutenant "Annabelle."

Kirk watched her go, then he turned to Spock. "Spock, you caused that Lieutenant to bang her head on the floor, become unconscious, and then caused your partner, _and _my partner, to have to leave." Kirk was beginning to have second thoughts about having invited Spock.

"I just followed Lieutenant Uhura's instructions," Spock said, although inwardly he now was starting to _feel _sick.

Uhura didn't know what to make of the situation. "Ummm, well, Mr. Spock, please be careful. Now we need another partner for both Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, as well as another woman to fill in Annabelle's place."

A Yeoman from the sidelines volunteered, and now Sulu had a partner again. But, that still didn't solve the other problem, of Kirk and Spock's needing a partner.

McCoy and Chapel returned, and Bones strode over to Kirk. "She's fine. The whack on the head just knocked her out for a while, but she'll come to in a while. Lieutenant Moreau is sitting with her."

Kirk nodded, and turned back to the subject at hand.

McCoy went and got Chapel, and then went to Uhura. "Do you have a place for another couple?" Bones asked. He had decided that it looked like fun.

Uhura informed them of the current situation, and McCoy nodded, but Uhura stopped him from walking off. "If either Captain Kirk or Mr. Spock decided they didn't want to do it anymore, you two could take one of their places, as we still need to find a couple ladies-"

McCoy cut her off. "Has it ever been done before where a man takes the ladies place in a square?"

"Yes, it's been done before..." Uhura smiled. "You're thinking of having Captain Kirk be Spock's 'lady,' aren't you?"

McCoy nodded, grinning.

"Okay, doctor. You may tell them they can do that," Uhura said.

McCoy hustled Chapel back to Kirk and Spock, and found themselves a place in the square. Kirk looked puzzled.

"Bones, if you and Nurse Chapel are going to be partners, where do Spock and I fit in?" Kirk asked.

"Oh, Uhura didn't tell you?" When Kirk shook his head, confused, Bones finished, "You and Spock are going to be partners."

Kirk gave McCoy a look. "What?" he asked, flatly.

"Since there are no other women available for you two, Uhura decided that it would be easiest if you partnered up with Mr. Spock," this time it was Chapel who answered Kirk.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "It _is _the logical alternative, although I have no plans of contin-"

"Okay, everyone, back to your places, we will continue with the moves we know, and we will put them to music. Alright, everybody?" Uhura's voice interrupted Spock.

Kirk and Spock shared a glance, then grudgingly, took their place as one of the 'head' couples. Sulu, with his new Yeoman, and Chekov, also with his Yeoman, looked at each other, and tried to keep from grinning. It was all McCoy could do to bite back a laugh as Uhura ordered Spock and Kirk to hold hands; Now both Kirk _and _Spock looked sick.

"Bow to the partner please," Uhura spoke, as the music started.

Kirk and Spock gave each other a quick bow, and, after bowing to the corners, proceeded in accordance with the calls until they got to the swing. _This is going to be really awkward, _Kirk thought, as he placed his hands in the correct position for the swing. Spock took a deep breath, and slowly (he didn't have the guts to do it fast) spun his Captain around the correct way. McCoy, noticing it while swinging Chapel, couldn't keep it back, and a guffaw escaped him before he bit his tongue to stop it.

Uhura, watching as she called the moves, was inwardly laughing also. Pretty much everyone was smiling. The only two who weren't were Kirk and Spock. Lieutenant Uhura also had a devious side to herself, also. She grinned as an idea came to her. She _would_ do it.

Spock was _totally _humiliated. Causing all that havoc earlier, and now having to _dance _(even if it wasn't a romantic type dance, still) with his best friend and Captain, amidst all the stares of the other crew members, was something even he, a non-emotional Vulcan, could not get through without feeling embarrassment. He wondered what Kirk must be feeling.

_I should never have approved this dance, _Kirk thought, after Uhura ordered yet another swing. He had a feeling that McCoy had something to do with getting Spock and himself to partner up. _I'll never forgive him, _he vowed.

Uhura was almost ready. "Do-sa-do with your partner and come back 'home'," she called. "Everybody, Red Rock,which basically means, hug your partner!"

Spock couldn't believe his Vulcan ears. Hug... Kirk? He had almost done that a few weeks ago, after thinking he had killed Kirk and then seeing him alive, but had stopped himself, even in front of just McCoy and Chapel. Now there were about thirty crew members here. But then he saw the mischievous gleam return to Kirk's eyes, and before he could react, Kirk reached out and embraced Spock. The Vulcan, astonished, knew he _was _sick, and then fainted, the first time he had ever done that when he didn't have an injury.

Kirk, just releasing Spock from the embrace, grabbed his unconscious First Officer, and supported him as McCoy came over, the doctor finally letting himself laugh. After giving Spock the once over, he informed Kirk, "Just take him to his quarters. There's nothing wrong with him except his Vulcan pride."

Kirk smiled, and helped the now semiconscious Spock out of the rec room, and upon reaching his quarters, sat him on the bed, then turned to leave. Spock would probably sulk for a while, but he would get over it. Seeing Spock start to wake up, Kirk quickened his pace out of the room, and started planning ways he could get back at McCoy.

**The End**

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**A/N: Just so you know, this was not intended to be slash. Just a fun friendship story. Sorry if the characters are slightly OOC (I'm sure in some parts they are :) but it _is _my first Trek story and everything... Thanks for reading! Also, I revised this story a little, so everybody who's read it before, at the suggestion of a couple readers, I've taken off the 'paper' subplot to this story. I think it distracted from the story and had little point. :)  
Oh, and one more thing. There have been several people (thankfully, they were guests to the site) that have written nasty reviews. Please, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. PLEASE! Thanks!**


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